We each have something that scares us. It's hard to know where they come from – sometimes from a particular experience we had, and sometimes some small fear is constantly enabled and strengthened by us or the people around us, and it becomes more and more terrifying.
And we feel that fear is uncontrollable, and sometimes don't even notice we're driven by fear. We think it's just who we are.
For me it was the fear of insanity, and I mean real insanity. I always feared it, and never even noticed. Of course, eventually, that fear itself brought on the actual insanity – and I mean the kind that gets you committed.
Over the years I looked into this, trying to figure out where this fear came from.
Of course, the doctors said that if it runs in the family, it's hereditary.
The second time, they said it was drugs. I don't even take drugs, I was fixing an air conditioner with a gas leak and the tests read drugs.
I don't think it's hereditary.
I think it's that fact that I used to live with a family member who was insane. And the fear to become that brought on my own.
After the episode and being committed I found out that it wasn't that bad, that even if it happens again, it'll pause my life for a few months and then I'll get back to them.
When that fear vanished, so did the chance of it happening again.
So yeah, we all have our fears, and they're always expressed differently, but the tricky part is knowing our own, and understanding where they come from. Once we've done that, we can start getting rid of it, or at least managing it – and let's not forget that unattended, fear tend to snowball.
In my case, it could've snowballed into the fear of people knowing I was committed, knowing I was on pills, and so on and so forth. Stopping the original fear stopped that from happening.
So don't fear fear, itself. Just let things happen. When they do we can teach ourselves how to manage them, how to stop the snowball. Eventually, we'll find that there was nothing to be afraid of.